Holiday Triggers: Navigating Childhood Trauma, CPTSD, and the Holidays

For many survivors of childhood trauma or relational abuse, the holiday season isn’t just about festivities - it can be a minefield of emotional triggers. Past patterns, family expectations, and unresolved trauma can resurface unexpectedly, leaving you anxious, irritable, or emotionally drained.

Understanding how childhood trauma and complex post-traumatic stress (CPTSD) interact with holiday stressors is key to protecting your wellbeing. When you know what triggers you, you can plan ahead, create safety strategies, and participate in the season without sacrificing your mental health.

What CPTSD Is and Why It Matters

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) develops from prolonged or repeated exposure to relational trauma - often in childhood. It can result from ongoing abuse, neglect, or living in a household with domestic violence. Unlike typical PTSD, which may develop after a single traumatic event, CPTSD often impacts identity, relationships, and emotional regulation over time.

Common symptoms include:

• Difficulty regulating emotions: sudden anger, sadness, or anxiety

• Hypervigilance: constantly scanning for danger or criticism

• Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks from past trauma

• Avoidance behaviors: withdrawing from relationships or activities

• Negative self-perception: shame, guilt, or feelings of worthlessness

• Difficulty trusting others and forming safe relationships

During the holidays, these symptoms can intensify as familiar family dynamics and past relational patterns are reactivated.

Why are the Holidays Triggering?

1. Family Dynamics Resurface
   Old roles, hierarchies, and unspoken rules often emerge at gatherings. For survivors, these dynamics can reactivate past trauma, such as being silenced, criticized, or emotionally manipulated.

2. Increased Social Pressure
   Expectations around attending events, gift-giving, and maintaining appearances can create stress, especially when survivors feel they must please everyone or keep the peace.

3. Sensory Overload
   Decorations, lights, smells, and crowded environments can overwhelm the nervous system. Survivors with trauma histories may experience heightened anxiety, irritability, or dissociation.

4. Family Secrets or Conflict
   The holidays may bring up unresolved disputes, secrets, or expectations that evoke old fears and emotional pain.

Practical Strategies for Managing Triggers

1. Create a Holiday Trigger Map

Mapping out your triggers can help you anticipate stress and plan coping strategies:

• List situations or people that historically cause emotional distress

• Note the feelings, bodily sensations, and thoughts associated with each trigger

• Identify patterns or common themes

• Brainstorm strategies for each trigger (e.g., grounding exercises, exit strategies, supportive allies)

This process turns abstract anxiety into actionable insight.

2. Build Your Support Network

Even if family dynamics are difficult, you don’t have to face the holidays alone. Consider:

• Trusted friends or family: People who understand your triggers and respect boundaries

• Therapists or support groups: Trauma-informed professionals can provide guidance and emotional safety

• Online communities: Virtual spaces can offer connection without overwhelming exposure

Check-ins with supportive individuals before and after events can help reduce anxiety and reinforce your sense of safety.

3. Use Grounding and Regulation Techniques

When a trigger arises, your nervous system may shift into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Grounding and regulation strategies help you stay present:

• Breathing exercises: Slow, deep breaths can calm the autonomic nervous system

• Body scanning: Focus on physical sensations to bring attention to the present

• Sensory tools: Keep objects that provide comfort — stress balls, scented oils, or weighted blankets

• Mindful awareness: Name emotions and thoughts without judgment (“I notice I’m feeling anxious; this is a response, not a failure”)

4. Set Intentional Boundaries

Boundaries are critical for survivors navigating relational stress:

• Limit time with triggering individuals or events

• Define topics that are off-limits (e.g., past relationships, personal choices)

• Plan safe exits if conversations escalate

• Communicate boundaries calmly and clearly

Example:

“I’m happy to celebrate with you, but I won’t discuss [topic] tonight.”

Boundaries are an act of self-care, not rejection.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Trauma responses can lead to shame or guilt for feeling “too sensitive” or “reacting too strongly.” Self-compassion helps reframe these experiences:

• Acknowledgment: Recognize that triggers are normal responses to past trauma

• Kindness: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend in distress

• Patience: Healing is ongoing; not every reaction needs to be fixed immediately

Reflection exercise:

• Write a letter to yourself acknowledging the difficulty of navigating the holidays

• Highlight the strengths and resilience you’ve shown in past challenges

6. Create Micro-Safety Plans

Micro-safety plans are simple, practical strategies for managing specific situations:

• Excuse yourself from a conversation or gathering temporarily

• Keep a safe distance from triggering relatives

• Use headphones, calming music, or a short walk to reset your nervous system

• Bring a supportive friend to difficult events

These small adjustments can prevent overwhelm and help maintain emotional stability.

Reflection and Journaling Prompts

1. Which holiday situations typically trigger past trauma?

2. How do these triggers affect your body, mind, and emotions?

3. Which strategies have helped you regulate emotions successfully in the past?

4. What boundaries will you set this holiday season?

5. How can you intentionally integrate your values into holiday interactions?

Taking 10–15 minutes to journal each day leading up to events can improve resilience and clarity.

Moving Forward

The holidays may always carry some stress, but trauma-informed strategies allow you to participate safely, meaningfully, and authentically. With preparation, awareness, and self-compassion, you can protect your wellbeing while still engaging in family or community celebrations.

If you’re in Michigan or Oklahoma and struggling with childhood trauma or CPTSD during the holidays, I offer free 15-minute consultations to create personalized strategies for navigating triggers, setting boundaries, and maintaining emotional safety. You don’t have to face the season alone - support is available, and healing is possible.