What’s Your Attachment Style? A Self-Discovery Quiz for Better Relationships

This is one blog in a series about attachment styles - you can explore the foundation in “Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong People,” and dive deeper into specific patterns with “The Self-Saboteur” (avoidant attachment), “The People-Pleaser” (anxious attachment), “The Push-Puller” (disorganized attachment) or Secure Attachment.

How do you operate in relationships? Do you shut down? Push people away? Cling closer? Are you drawn to emotionally unavailable people? Do you avoid vulnerability altogether?

Your attachment style is the basic ways in which you operate in relationships, shaped by childhood experiences of what love is or is not. It can inform who you are drawn to, how you handle conflict, and what you expect and can handle from loved ones. the unconscious blueprint for how you relate to others in close relationships. It shapes who you're drawn to, how you handle conflict, and what you expect from love.

Ready to find out yours? Take this quick quiz to learn more about your style—and how to grow beyond it.

Attachment Style Quiz

Don’t overthink your response - just go with yout gut!

1. When my partner wants to get emotionally close, I usually…
A) Feel uncomfortable and need space
B) Get excited but also fear they’ll leave
C) Feel anxious, but then push them away
D) Feel open and connected

2. If I don’t hear back from someone I like, I tend to…
A) Assume they lost interest and move on
B) Obsess over what I said or did wrong
C) Feel hurt and angry, then pretend I don’t care
D) Stay calm and wait to hear from them

3. How do you usually handle conflict in relationships?
A) I shut down or withdraw
B) I try to fix things right away—even if I'm upset
C) I might lash out, then disappear emotionally
D) I stay present and work through it together

4. Which best describes your experience of intimacy?
A) I prefer to keep people at arm’s length
B) I crave closeness and constant reassurance
C) I want closeness, but it often overwhelms me
D) I enjoy intimacy and feel safe being known

5. When a relationship starts to feel serious, I tend to…
A) Feel trapped or want to pull away
B) Worry they’ll lose interest in me
C) Feel scared and sabotage it without meaning to
D) Feel grateful and curious about deepening the bond

6. If a partner doesn’t respond to my emotional needs, I…
A) Tell myself I don’t need them
B) Feel hurt, cling harder, or try to win them back
C) Get upset, maybe lash out, and then retreat
D) Express my feelings and ask for what I need

7. How do you feel about depending on someone?
A) I don’t—it feels risky or unnecessary
B) I want to, but worry they’ll let me down
C) I try, but I panic or push them away
D) I can depend on others and also stand on my own

8. After a disagreement with a partner, I usually…
A) Need space and prefer to process alone
B) Feel anxious and want immediate reassurance
C) Feel angry and distant, then guilty later
D) Take time to reflect and reconnect

9. When someone really sees and accepts me, I…
A) Feel exposed or vulnerable and pull away
B) Worry they’ll eventually change their mind
C) Get emotional or suspicious and test them
D) Feel relaxed and affirmed

10. What’s your general belief about love?
A) Love fades—best not to rely on it
B) Love is hard to hold onto and easy to lose
C) Love is chaotic and painful, but I still want it
D) Love is safe, imperfect, and worth the risk

What is your attachment style?

Tally how many A, B, C, and D answers you chose:

• Mostly A’s → Avoidant Attachment - ‘the self-saboteur’
  You value independence and protect yourself by creating distance. Emotional closeness may feel like a threat to your freedom or safety.

• Mostly B’s → Anxious Attachment - ‘the people pleaser’
  You crave intimacy but often feel insecure or worried about losing it. You may overextend yourself to keep others close.

• Mostly C’s → Disorganized Attachment - ‘the push-puller’
  You carry both the fear of abandonment and the fear of intimacy. Relationships can feel like a minefield of emotional conflict.

• Mostly D’s → Secure Attachment
  You’re comfortable with closeness and independence. You handle emotional ups and downs with trust, communication, and resilience. While you may not need to work on your attachment style, you may be interested in how your partner or loved ones attachment style impacts you.

What To Do Next

Your attachment style is not a fixed identity, it’s tendency or trend. First you can understand your pattern and then choose to change it. Wherever you are starting you have potential for growth and healthy connection with awareness, support, and practice.

I offer online therapy in Oklahoma for adults seeking to feel more secure in their relationships and within themselves. If you are interested in exploring this further you can schedule a free consultation.